Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in blue828's LiveJournal:

Saturday, April 26th, 2008
8:57 am	This is an interesting book for me, as it was technically after my time as a BSC reader (Dawn's Big Move being the last book I ever bought), and I was 11 when it came out, which was really too old for these books. However, it looked so interesting that I think I sneakily read it in B Dalton (glancing furtively around to make sure neither a store employee nor some school friend of mine caught me reading it) while my mom looked at purses at JC Penney next door. On the one hand, this book is cool, because it points out pretty much everything we find annoying about the BSC. On the other hand, AMM and the ghosties were clearly worried that the reader would would hate Stacey, so she makes the other members even more obnoxious than usual, to the point where all members of the BSC except Claudia are pretty much parodying themselves. It's actually kind of hard to read because the girls are so annoying in this book. But, for snarking purposes, this book is a goldmine. We start out with Stacey over at Claudia's, and Stacey is trying to hold still while Claudia paints her portrait. She sneezes and the girls laugh hysterically. Janine comes in to tell them to shut it, and pauses by the painting and calls it interesting. Stacey isn't really into it, because it's not a realistic painting-it's just splotches of color. Claudia helpfully explains it's just the essence of her. You know, I'm no artist, but Claudia yells at Stacey like 4 times to stay completely still, which I would think would be unnecessary for this type of painting, but what the hell do I know. Anyways, Stacey was expecting a realistic painting, but admits what Claudia did is still pretty cool. See, Stacey is familiar with abstract art, because she grew up in NYC (which she refers to as the Big Apple). OK two things here, Ms. Sophisticated McSeen-it-all,1. I spent the first seven years of my life in rural Louisiana, where the coolest thing we had in town was a Circle K (7-11), and I was aware of the notion of abstract art, and 2. Refering to your own hometown as the Big Apple makes you sound stupid. But whatever. Stacey explains her life to the reader, and Claudia's, and we get the obligatory "Claudia should have the fattest ass in town but she's actually hot" spiel. Claudia and Stacey are alike because they both dress cool, but they are different because Stacey has blond hair while Claudia's is dark, Stacey cannot eat junk food, and that's all Claudia eats. Surprisingly we do not hear an additional difference-- Stacey is a math whiz because she can add 7 to any number and do her 2 times table in her head, while Claudia has trouble spelling her own name. That must be coming in Chapter 2. Anyways, Stacey can't have any snacks right then because her and her boyfriend Robert are going out to eat after the meeting. They talk a little about him, and Stacey tells the reader that Claudia is cool about guys, and Stacey can talk to her about it, while Kristy just sings "Stacey and Robert sitting in a tree" and the other members laugh hysterically. Stacey thinks this is immature and annoying, and I have to say I'm with her on that one. Claudia decides she's going to name the portrait Anastasis Fantasia, which Stacey isn't really into, but doesn't say so. Stacey leaves to go hang with Robert. On the way over to Robert's Stacey gives the reader a lot of background on her relationship-- her and Robert started dating, he played basketball, she tried out for cheerleading, they noticed that athletes and cheerleaders were given special treatment that wasn't fair so they both dropped their respective activities. OK, I'm sorry, but since I didn't recap #70 I must just go on a (very brief, I promise) rant about this. In what world is a middle school basketball team going to inspire any kind of special privileges? Obviously it happens in college, and in smaller, more rural towns it happens in high school (although usually football is the sport in question). But I absolutely refuse, refuse to believe this would ever happen at a middle school level. But anyway. Stacey and Robert go on their date and have a great time. The next chapter is a combo BSC meeting/standard introduction to BSC and members, but it's a little more interesting than usual since the ghostie is laying the groundwork for Stacey's epic-1500s era-England-splits-with-the-Pope sized deviation from the BSC, Stacey is a little snarky when it comes to describing the members. The highlights- Kristy is bossy and "huffs and puffs" when the other girls make fun of how seriously she takes herself, Mal and Jessi's biggest thing in common is how much they whine about their parents treating them like babies, Mary Anne sobs while watching Barney. OK, there's sensitve, and then there's crazy, and I think MA crosses that line just about every book. Surprisingly Dawn gets off pretty light, as Stacey describes her as a hard core health food and environment enthusiast, but states that Dawn neither screams at the sight of Claud's junk food (lies!), nor lectures anyone (Stacey! where have you been the last 65 books?). Anyways, at the meeting, Stacey is late, because her bike got a flat tire while she was on her way over, and Kristy is pissed. Stacey is rattled enough to forget it's dues day. Anyways, as the meeting gets underway, Claudia answers a phone call and says Good Afternoon instead of Hello, which causes Mal and Jessi to start giggling. Yeah, I don't really get it either. Claudia calls Stacey Anastasia at the meeting, which also makes them laugh. Stacey starts getting irritated. At the end of the meeting Stacey is daydreaming and doesn't hear something Kristy asks her. Kristy repeats herself, and calls Robert Stacey's true lovey poo. MA, Mal, and Jessi are rolling around the floor laughing. I seriously could not handle 30 min with these girls ever, let alone three times a week.  Stacey is babysitting for Charlotte. This will be relevant later so I am forced to recap this. Charlotte and Stacey are very close, and almost sisters. I had an almost sister once. She was a little girl who looked a lot like me who lived across the street, and sometimes we would tell people we were sisters, because they almost always asked. We were 6 and 8. This wouldn't happen with Stacey and Charlotte, evidently, because as we know, Stacey is blond, and Charlotte is brunette. Hmm. I better call my blond roommate in here and tell her that her dark haired older sister must be adopted then. Anyways, Charlotte has just started playing the piano, and she's awful. (I thought all BSC charges other than Jackie Rodowsky and Claire and Margo Pike were super kids who could do anything?). Also, she has a recital coming up and her teacher is forcing her to participate, even though she's not good. I never played an instrument, so someone please help me out. If you are taking lessons and you're just not picking it up, and even though you practice you just can't do it well, would you still be forced to perform in front of your family and make a fool of yourself? Because that seems kind of mean. Anyways, Charlotte actually likes the piano, but knows she's horrible and desperately does not wish to play at the recital. Stacey feels like she needs ear plugs while she is babysitting. Nice, Stacey. The next chapter starts with a passive aggressive jab at Stacey in MA's write up of her night babysitting with the Pikes. Stacey and Mal were supposed to babysit all the Pike kids on a Friday night, but Robert called Stacey up at the last minute and invited her out. Stacey called up MA and asked her to cover because something came up. Now, this is a little irresponsible of Stacey, but she does not lie. She doesn't explain what came up, but neither does she try and say she's sick or blame it on an emergency. MA agrees to sub, and babysits with Mal. It's boring and lame. Stacey goes out with Robert and some of his friends instead of babysitting. They go out for pizza and Stacey thinks it's superfun. However, after awhile she gets this feeling she's being watched. Someone is staring at her, and then when she turns around to look, ducks behind the jukebox. Stacey marches over to the jukebox, to find laidback, non lecturing Dawn hiding behind it. Dawn thought Stacey was cancelling her babysitting job to hang with Robert, and wanted to see for herself. OK, I'll admit to doing some stalking in middle school. But Dawn could have just walked by the pizza place, seen Stacey through the window, and told MA about it later. There really was no reason to sit and watch her for the whole night. Dawn better hope she  never splits with BSC because she's going to have a hard time making friends after this. The whole restaurant is watching while Dawn tells Stacey she's irresponsible and a liar and then stalks out of the place. Stacey returns to her friends who call the BSC girls losers. Stacey privately thinks that they may be right. You think, Stacey? The next chapter Stacey and Robert are helping her mother move exercise equipment. You guys ever the feeling that when Stacey gets a little older, and starts dating in high school (well, she'll be in high school, the guy will probably be in his late 20s -early 30s), Stacey's mom is going to totally hit on all her boys? Stacey's mom and Lisa Engle should really go bar hopping together. Stacey loses track of time and realizes a BSC meeting is starting right then and she'll be late. She rushes in, and the girls are glare at her. Kristy starts in right away, and Stacey tries to apologize, but Kristy's just getting warmed up. Luckily Claudia, who is so made of win in this book, tells her to can it, and also calls Dawn out for spying. I would say Dawn made the greater offense, personally, but since she has no friends outside the club and never cut off her long hair, the other girls see no reason to point this out. The girls relent for the moment, and Stacey spends the rest of the meeting internally mocking the other BSCers. The girls decide to put on a talent show for the charges. They will use the barn, of course. Sharon and Richard Spier must be absolutely giddy at the thought of MA and Dawn moving out for college in 5 years. MA has been shooting Stacey sad hangdog faces all meeting, like, MA either you're mad or you're not, but don't say you're not and continue to guilt trip someone. Logan is going to be a miserable husband later in life. Stacey invites MA to go shopping with her the next day. MA accepts, and when she walks away, Stacey is unhappy to see MA has a large I heart my Kitty sticker on her backpack. She hopes MA leaves that particular backpack home the next day. Nobody would wear that sticker in the Big Apple, you know. The next day MA asks Stacey if she's forgotten that she's supposed to babysit Charlotte at the time she suggested they go shopping. Stacey doh's! and then cancels on MA. MA is very understanding, but Stacey feels awful, especially because she sat with Robert at lunch and not the BSC. She goes to babysit Charlotte and for some asinine reason I don't know convinces her to perform at the talent show. Stacey goes home thinking this will put her back on Kristy's good side, and like I don't really see how or why Kristy would care, but dare to dream, Stacey. Kristy is babysitting for Emily and David Michael, and surprisingly, Karen and Andrew are not there, but with their mother. This leads me to believe Watson and Elizabeth are equal opportunity neglectful parents, and here I thought they just got the hell out of dodge only when they knew Karen was coming. Huh. Anyways, all the kids in Kristy's neighborhood want to be in the talent show, and they do impromptu auditions for Kristy. Kristy tells them they can all be in the show, even though quite a few of them are lacking in any sort of talent. Kristy gets bonus points for snarkily telling Stacey later that Melody Korman did not live up to her name when she sang "A Whole New World". That was actually kind of funny. Good job, ghostie. Even if holding a talent show and encouraging all kids to participate and them mocking them to your friends privately is kind of shitty. The next chapter is Stacey, Robert & Co. eating at a burger joint. Stacey is having a really great time with all her new friends. However, here the BSC comes to ruin the day!!! (Picture Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar belting that one out). Kristy walks into the restaurant, passes Stacey's table, and tells Stacey she should be at the Prezzioso's right now, and Stacey about swallows her tongue. MA nicely tells Stacey that Kristy is just kidding and pushes her to a different table. Once they have sat down they continue to embarrass Stacey by giggling loudly whenever a boy passes by (MA and Dawn), sticking straws up their nose (Kristy), and finally, one member of the BSC, I'll let you guess who, stacks all the menus around her food so that no "meat vibes" can touch her meal. Robert's friends give up on being polite and totally give Stacey shit about her loser friends. Robert decides he wants to have a party and Sheila requests that Stacey not invite the BSC. Stacey agrees they wouldn't fit in, but decides she will invite just Claudia. Claudia is reluctant to go when she hears the others are not invited, but finally agrees to come. The next chapter is Stacey babysitting for Jamie Newton, and he does not want to eat his macaroni. Stacey tells him he has to.  He eats about half and then Stacey lets him go. Jamie plays for awhile, then heads up to his bedroom. On her way up to read to him, Stacey is stopped by the telephone ringing. She answers, and it's Robert. OK, sidebar. What in the hell is he doing calling her while she's sitting?? It's not like it's 2008, and he called her on her cell and she took the call while she was babysitting. He called her on someone else's landline, who he probably has never met. Furthermore, either Stacey gave out the Newton's phone number to him or he looked it up in the yellow pages, but either way is grossly inappropriate. I've been on Stacey's side here mostly, but this is wrong. Stacey adds insult to injury by having a 30 minute conversation with him, on the Newton phone, while ignoring Jamie. She finally hangs up and puts Jamie to bed. Jamie tells her he feels sick, and Stacey brushes it off. Once he's in bed, Stacey actually goes back downstairs to call Robert. OK, codependent much? Stacey and Robert continue to gossip like 13 year old girls, and everytime Jamie calls for Stacey she tells him she'll be up in a minute. What is she, member of the Babysitter's Agency? I seem to remember Stacey coming down quite hard on girls who pulled this similar move in the earlier books. Stacey really does turn into a douche whenever she gets a boyfriend. Her asshattery is rewarded however, when Jamie (who as it turns out, has a stomach virus) pukes all over his bed and himself and Stacey has to clean both up. Bwaa ha ha! That's what you get, Stacey! Stacey runs a load to the washing machine, and the Newtons come home. Ms. Newton is a lot nicer than I would have been as she explains that she and Mr. Newton tried calling Stacey numerous times throughout the evening, and got a busy signal each time. Hey Ms. Newton, it's 1995 and it's called Call Waiting. Get with the program. Stacey apologizes, and they kindly accept. Stacey knows Kristy is going to be really mad. Stacey is late again to a meeting. As soon as she walks in, Kristy hassles her about being late. She also mentions Ms. Newton called her, and requested that the BSC only use the phone in an emergency. While that seems a little harsh, if I had tried calling my kid and only got the busy signal numerous times, and found out that a sitter I was paying was on the phone all night instead of watching said kid. I'd probably request that that particular girl not sit for me anymore. Surprisingly enough, after a fairly mild scolding, Kristy drops it, and the girls talk about the talent show. Stacey tunes them out. Later that night Charlotte calls Stacey and whines about being scared. Charlotte is so annoying. Stacey tells her she has to go because she got another call (Stacey's mom is with it, evidently, and has Call Waiting), and it's Robert on the other line. Robert forgot to check with his parents about the upcoming party, and using his house is a no-go. He wants to use Stacey's instead. I think Robert has a crush on Stacey's mom, personally. I don't know why else he would ask her and not one of his friends. Maybe Lisa will drop by. Anyways, because Stacey's mom is cool, and possibly because she hasn't gotten any male attention lately, she agrees to let Stacey use their house for the party. Stacey feels like she should invite the BSC if the party is at her house, but decides not to. Claudia tries to change her mind, but Stacey thinks she'll go ahead with the party and just hope they don't find out. Yeah, that should end well. I'm torn on this one...on the one hand, the BSC can be pretty obnoxious. On the other, if my friend who I was supposedly pretty close with threw a party and didn't invite me, I'd be pretty hurt. So I don't know.  Stacey gets ready for her party, and then heads over to Claudia's for the BSC meeting. Claudia wants to back out of going, because she's pretty sure the other girls are going to find out and hold it against her for attending. She must have changed her mind though, because she does show up. There have been no outfits this entire book, but it may interest you to know that Stacey's mother wears a backwards baseball cap to the party. She really does have it going on. She also dances with all the eighth grade boys. Oh Maureen. Those singles bars are totally calling for you. Anyways, Stacey's having a super awesome time, when the bell rings. Surprise! It's Dawn and MA. Dawn's enjoying how uncomfortable Stacey is, when Claudia comes out. The girls evidently knew Stacey was hosting a party, and wanted to wreck it for her, but did not Claudia was there too. MA and Dawn leave, and of course, MA is crying. Claudia is upset too, and yells at Stacey for draggin her in the middle. I don't know Claud...guess I missed the part where Stacey clubbed you over the head and dragged you to the party. Claudia leaves, and Stacey feels like shit. Stacey oversleeps the next day and misses the talent show. When Charlotte realizes that Stacey is not there, she runs crying off the stage. Claudia tries to make her feel better, but Charlotte is inconsolable. And a little melodramatic, if you ask me. Anyways, Claudia is extremely pissed at Stacey. She calls up Stacey and yells at her, and tells her she better be on time for Monday's meeting, and she better have an explanation ready. Stacey goes to apologize to Charlotte, and spends the rest of the weekend thinking. Stacey goes to the Monday meeting not sure what she wants to happen. She doesn't start off on the right foot, exactly, when she tells the BSC that they need to grow up a little. Dawn starts squawking, and Claudia tells everyone to cool it, and then tells Stacey she has changed ever since Robert. MA pipes up and asks Stacey why they weren't invited to the party. Stacey (and not in the nicest way, I have to say) says that she generally keeps her BSC friends and her other friends separate, and that her other friends don't get upset when they're not invited to the BSC sponsored marching band or petting zoo or whatever. That's a good tack, but Kristy thinks it's moot because Claudia was still invited. And then Kristy says Stacey should have made some attempt to contact Dawn and MA because she had hurt their feelings and she knew it. Stacey says she didn't because she was angry. It pains me to say it, but I think Stacey's wrong here and Kristy's right.  Dawn and MA showing up was kind of lame, but I think Stacey's moves were pretty hurtful, and the least she could have done was apologize. Stacey loses her shit and starts yelling at them about how they're all ganging up against her (well, she did insult 5 out of the 6, what did she expect?), and that they want to control her life (Kristy says that's stupid, but I think Stacey should have just started with that, and left out the name calling), and she's tired of being thirteen and only ever hanging with them and little kids. She wants to do different things, and hang with different people, and not feel bad about it. Yeah, she's done, as far as the BSC goes. I'm surprised it's taken 83 books for someone to finally get sick of how things are, and that Stacey has even stuck around as long as she has. Jessi says as much when she speaks up for the first time and tells Stacey no one is forcing her to be there. Stacey says that she's quitting. Kristy tells her she can't quit, because she's fired, and I don't think it works that way, K Ron, but we all know Kristy has to have the last word. Stacey stalks out. The next chapter Stacey hangs with her new friends, and thinks about how she's glad to be able to spend more time with them, but does miss the BSC. She thinks that she still might want to be friends, but she's not going to do anything about it right now. The book ends with her going to Charlotte's recital. I had mixed thoughts about this book. On the one hand, it's completely realistic that someone (especially Stacey) would get sick of the huge time and energy commitment being in the club requires, and would feel smothered by the BSC. On the other hand, it also seems like Stacey is once again turning into a jerk because of some guy. Hmm. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
10:14 pm	BSC #29, Mallory and the Mystery Diary You know something funny? For as much as I rag on Mallory now (and mocked her as a kid reading these for the first time) I realize that of the 50-60 BSC books I owned (I stopped buying after #67, but had most up until then, including super specials and mysteries) Mallory is the only one that I can say I owned all the books she narrated (wow, that's an awkward sentence, but I can't think of how to fix it). She really wasn't my favorite character, but either unconciously or just by sheer coincidence I must have been drawn to her books.  This book does not disappoint, as it starts with Mallory moping in her journal about how she's not 13 yet. You know Mal, I can't say 11 was the best year of my life, but I remember my early adolescence pretty well and can't say 13 was any damn picnic either. You are going to be so disappointed when you realize that you're really not treated any better at thirteen, you're still filling your journal full of angsty poems, and reading romance novels for teen girls and wondering why your life is nothing like the main characters in the books who always say they're as nerdy and awkward as you feel but still end up getting a really hot guy by page 186. But I digress. Anyways, Mal wants us to know that a journal is not like a diary. It's deeper and she can wax poetic about all the wonders of being 13.  What's that called, when someone in a book or a TV show makes a reference to what's happening in the book? There's a word or phrase and I can't think if what it is. But anyway, Mal makes a note in her journal that by the time she's actually thirteen, she'll actually feel 30.  I could calculate roughly how old Mal will feel by then, but who cares that much? Anyways, Mal's emo-ing is interrupted because her mother wants her to run a casserole over to the McGills, who have just moved back to CT. The background of the BSC and all the members actually is in chapter one in this book. Here, Mal says that Dawn is never rude, just an individual. She'll take that back in about eight books. Mal heads over to Stacey's house. The house is pretty much unpacked, there's just a lot of empty boxes and packing peanuts to throw away. The girls take the empty boxes up to the attic and pause when they see how much crap is there.  I blame this, along with other books, for my disappointment everytime I moved into a new house. I never found anything cool the previous owners had left. In fact, most of the houses we moved into (even the ones who had previous owners) still had a sealed attic and empty basement. But of course, this is BSC world, so they find a supercool trunk that Stacey and her mother tell Mallory she can have. Mallory lugs it home but the trunk is locked, and she doesn't want to force it open because the trunk is so pretty and she doesn't want to ruin it. OK, I'll admit I would have been a little reluctanct to force open something that I thought was pretty. But Stupid Mal hurries home the next day so she can look at her trunk. Like, she wants to sit and stare at it. I find that weird. Her siblings are intriuged by the trunk, and want to smash the locks in order to get it open, but Mal insists breaking the locks would ruin the trunk, and so she doesn't let them. She's curious too about what's in it, but for now she's going to content herself with simply staring at  it. Anyone else think Mal maybe hits up the chronic? Mal leaves her treasure chest to go to a BSC meeting, and tells them all about the trunk. All the babysitters encourage her to use any means necessary to open it. and to hell if the locks break. Mal's just not moving on this though. The next chapter is a babysitting chapter, but a relevant one, so I'll at least skim through it.  Dawn is at the Barrett's, and Ms. Barrett explains Buddy has been having trouble reading lately. He needs some personal attention and help with reading, but Ms. Barrett is stretched for time as it is. I'm sure you all know where this is going. Dawn tries to help Buddy herself but Suzy keeps being obnoxious by reading all the words Buddy is struggling with. I seem to remember an episode of Growing Pains with Mike and Carol Seaver that played out much like this. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Once Ms. Barrett comes home, Dawn says Buddy needs a tutor, and offers the BSC services. Of course, this is happily accepted. Mal has waited a week and refused to open the trunk, and Vanessa wins the first cool points of the book by offering not to speak in rhyme for awhile if Mal will just open the trunk. Mal quickly agrees, and the triplets come in and smash the locks. Mallory cannot bear to look and actually squinches her eyes shut. It's a fucking trunk, Mal, not 1bruce1, but whatever. When the boys finally force it open, Mal is happy to see the trunk is in better shape than she thought it would be. Yeah, I know my knuckles were turning white as I nervously read this chapter the first time around, wondering how much damage the trunk would sustain. Mal and Vanessa are delighted to find old clothes inside, but the boys are less than impressed and leave. You know Byron really wanted to sift through the clothes, but didn't want Adam and Jordan to know. While Vanessa is trying on various clothes and brooches, Mal finds a diary and starts to read. The diary belonged to a twelve year old girl named Sophie, who is pretty much just the 1800s version of Mallory Pike. Mal wants us to know that reading is the best thing on earth, because it can take you anywhere. Mal feels very lucky she can read. I wonder how many Harlequin books Mal has tucked under her bed...I would imagine it's quite a few. However, I guess "Her Hidden Desire" will have to wait another night, as Mal decides she's going to save the diary for bedtime reading that night. Instead, she pulls out her own journal and writes about her discovery. She describes finding the diary as the most wonderful thing in the world...and then proceeds to bitch about being 11. Well, you win some, you lose some, Mal. One interesting thing though-- apparently when Mal turns 12, she'll be allowed to wear whatever she wants. That's a weird thing-- the Pikes just picked some arbitrary age where Mal can do whatever?? Weird. I'd say break out the tube tops and hooker boots, but we all know Mal will never turn 12 so nevermind. The next day Mal starts tutoring Buddy Pike. It doesn't go very well. Buddy screws up most of his flash cards and procrastinates a lot. She goes over his homework with him, which is seat work that seems a little...easy for a third grader, but it's been awhile since I looked at third grade homework so I'll let it go. Buddy is bored and miserable and Mal is astounded he's not have fun. Reading is fun! Buddy should be have the best time! Well, he's not reading excerpts from your novels about Raymond's quivering member, Mal, he's reading the instructions to worksheets. Not exactly the same thing. Mal is discouraged when she leaves. Mal thinks about how boring Buddy's homework is later on at home, and realizes that Buddy might want to read more if he had something interesting to read. I'm a little surprised Mal doesn't decide to write her own stories for Buddy. She decides to read more about Sophie. I don't really know what Mal finds so fascinating about this girl, unless you count that she's exactly like Mallory. Supergeek Mal finds Sophie so exciting that she keeps calling Jessi every several pages to tell her what she just read. The gist of the entries is that Sophie's mother is pregnant and sick, and the family is worried she will not survive the birth of her baby. Sophie's maternal grandfather is furious with his son in law, because he thinks his daughter should not have gotten pregnant at all. This is going on in 1984 so I'm not quite sure what Grandpa Sophie expected his daughter and her husband to do, not like they could bust out the nuva ring and the trojans but whatever. Anyways, Sophie's mom does die after the baby is born and Grandpa Sophie immediately accuses Papa Sophie of stealing from him (stealing a painting of Sophie's mother)  and so Sophie's whole family was shunned. Considering that by accusing his son in law, he was also making things hard for both his granddaughter and his infant grandson, Grandpa Sophie kind of sounds like a dick. Grandpa Sophie still allowed the family to live in his house (not the one he lived in, he owned two houses and Sophie's family lived in the second one) but all three were written out of his will, and no one would give her father a job. Asshole. Anyways, Sophie resolves that she will clear her father's name, and if she doesn't do it in her lifetime, her spirit will remain. Of course Mal gets super nervous and now thinks Stacey's house is haunted. Mal is such a dumbass. When Vanessa comes upstairs to bed Mal tells her the story, and also points out that a lot of people have moved in and out of Stacey's house, so therefore it must be haunted. Mal is such a telemarketer's wet dream. Wow, a 12 year old made a promise that she would remain and become a ghost?? Crap, that means Stacey's house is haunted! We need ghostbusters! The next chapter is Kristy babysitting for (surprise!) Karen and Andrew at the Big House. Shock. At this point I think Watson only takes them because Lisa Engle insists on having 2 weekends off each month so she and Seth can get down. I think every single book has someone babysitting for Karen and Andrew at the Big House. Surprisingly, Lisa never seems to use babysitters. Lisa must have hired the crappiest divorce lawyer ever (Ned Wakefield?) if she didn't even get a big enough settlement to afford to pay the 53 cents per hour the BSC charges. Anyways, the kids decide to go on a ghost hunt, which I also think happens in about every book. It's boring. Next chapter is a BSC meeting, and we have outfits!! Mal is wearing jeans (she doesn't specify, but I feel quite safe assuming they are mom jeans rolled up at the ankles) and a T shirt that says I heart kids. I would not let anyone wearing that shirt near my kid. This is, Mal tells us, her favorite shirt. Lame. Mary Anne can be cool and funky in her own way, Mal explains, then goes on to say MA is wearing a printed jumper and a striped shirt. That's hot. Mal wants us to know that although it seems the two wouldn't go together, they actually do, but I'm still wrapping my mind around a 13 year old voluntarily wearing a jumper. According to Claudia, MA took a "fashion risk that worked". Well, if you have Claud's approval, you know you're golden. Sadly, Claudia didn't take any risks, and she's wearing a plain white blouse, jeans, and a pink sweater. No description on the hair. She did explain though, that she was trying to look 1950s, and I don't really see how that works, but I'll move on anyway. Stacey's wearing a jumpsuit with cuffed pants and sneakers with the tongue rolled down.  Mal thinks that's extremely cool, but it just sounds uncomfortable to me. Dawn is wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, and also a straw hat. Mal calls this a fashion risk, but does not specify whether or not it's one that works. When Mallory is implying you're uncool, you know you're in trouble. Fail, Dawn. Anyways, it's a dues day, and Mal explains that Stacey is so good at math she can add up the money in her head to get their new total. Yes, adding 7 to a number does require great skill and concentration. I hope MIT is ready for Stacey in a few years. During a pause in the meeting, Mal asks Stacey if she's noticed anything different about her house, and then tells all the sitters about the diary. Mal seems to think that if Stacey hasn't seen any Caspers floating around, Sophie must have cleared her father's name and is resting in peace. Kristy very politely points out that maybe there just aren't any ghosts, period. However, this is dismissed when Stacey says she has heard weird noises, and that's all the convincing all these super dumbasses need to believe in ghosts. Kristy then wonders if Grandpa Sophie is actually some town legend named Old Hickory. who was evidently the meanest and richest man in town, and he haunts the graveyard. Then Dawn wonders if Papa Sophie is actually Jared Mullray, who currently haunts her house.  Well, dumbass, let's think about this-- if Jared haunts your house, how the hell are he and his daughter supposed to haunt Stacey's house? These girls need hobbies. Jessi then further extrapolates that Sophie stole the painting that Grandpa Sophie accused Papa Sophie of stealing. Jessi is so weird. The meeting ends with everyone convinced Stacey's house is haunted, and they are all nervous. The next chapter is a Buddy one. Mal tells Buddy they aren't going to do his homework right then, he can do it later on, alone. I'm sure Ms. Barrett will be happy to hear that. She can't get mad though, seeing as how she's probably only paying Mal with meatballs. Anyways, Mal has decided that Buddy will get better at reading if he has fun stuff to read-- probably true. She has brought over a bunch of comics, and Buddy reads them. He's actually enjoying himself, and after he's done reading Mal has him write his own comic strip. She makes one too, about animals. Buddy makes one about kids going to another planet. Mallory notes that Buddy is having fun, and looks adoringly at her. She's flattered, not creeped out, by the thought of an eight year old having a crush on her. Whatever, Mal...Buddy has both mom and abandonment issues, and he pretty much latches onto any older female who shows him attention. I wondered, when I read this the first time at 7 or 8, if Dawn would be jealous that she was no longer Buddy's #1. Mallory leaves for home feeling like a hero and a genius. Ah, Mal's self esteem. It's been a long time. The next chapter the super losers decide to hold a seance to contact Sophie. Kristy and Stacey are skeptical, but agree to do it, but Kristy stipulates she must be the channeler. Mal is pissed, she wants to be the channeler, but agrees. The girls troop over to Stacey's, and Stacey suggests holding the seance in the attic, but MA says that's too scary. Is she 13 or 4? You're supposed to scare yourselves when you're 13. They're still trying to figure out where to hold it, when Kristy, who was late, shows up. She's wearing a turban and dressed like a gypsy. Kristy is completely made of win in this chapter. Kristy and Mal argue over how to do it, and MA suggests Kristy just improvise. They sit around the living room table and light candles, and they all hold hands and chant Sophie's name. Kristy changes her voice and starts speaking as if she's Sophie. The girls ask Kristy-Sophie if she ever cleared her father's name, and Kristy-Sophie answers yes. Dawn asks what happened, and Kristy-Sophie says the painting never disappeared, but Grandpa Sophie lost his glasses and couldn't see it anymore. Mal completely buys this and Kristy has to tell her she's been punked. Mal is a little disappointed, but not too upset. The next chapter is a babysitting chapter, and it's Stacey with Charlotte. It's stupid. Charlotte thinks the key to the mystery is to look right past whatever's in front of her nose, whatever that means. I really hate Charlotte in this series. The next chapter Mallory is working with Buddy again, and Mal tells him the story. Buddy is intrigued. Why any of these kids care about a missing painting from over one hundred years ago I'll never know. Anyways, Buddy is super excited and convinced he can solve the mystery if he just reads the diary himself. They go to her house and he reads, but doesn't find anything. He reaches around in the trunk instead, and his hand gets stuck. Mal helps him pull his hand out, and it seems Buddy got his hand stuck in some secret compartment, and he has found Grandpa Sophie's written confession. Well, wasn't that handy, no pun intended. Turns out after the death of his daughter, he was too distraught to keep looking at the painting of her, but he didn't want to throw it away, so he had someone come over and paint over it. He was too embarassed to admit this to people, so when they asked where the painting was, he said it was stolen, and people assumed Papa Sophie was the culprit. Evidently Grandpa Sophie didn't break his back correcting them. Buddy wonders if the painting is still at Stacey's, and they rush over to check. Of course they find it. Stacey's mom says she will take it to an art restorer in Stamford. And oh yeah, Buddy's a super duper reader too. Must be that crush on Mal's hot ass that's motivating him. The next chapter, Stacey comes to a BSC meeting and says that her mother got the painting back, and it is of Mama Sophie. Hurray, the mystery is solved. Buddy calls Mal at a meeting to tell her he changed reading groups. Mal gets a little wet, and has to excuse herself. Ah, I see a card catalog fight in Buddy and Mallory's very near future. And that's it, kids. No one can solve a problem quite like Mallory! (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 30th, 2008
10:15 pm	Hey guys, I thought I would take a break from the Karen Chronicles, before I caused someone's head to explode, and catch up with our favorite maneater, Stacey. This book is ridiculous, and requires some major suspension of belief. In other words, it is the epitome of everything we love about the BSC franchise. Just a fair warning though-- I am writing this recap under the influence of both many beers and the general disappointment of my bracket right now, so some bitterness may seep through. OK, this chapter starts off with the equation, 3X +9 = Y, and X=4, what is Y? I struggle to remember if this is an equation that should be hard to solve for eighth graders but can't even remember what kind of math I studied back then so I will let it go. Anyway, Stacey has Spring Fever and is totally spacing out in class, but when called on unexpectedly is still able to bust out the right answer. I'm pretty shocked; it was a real doozy. Her teacher comments that it's unlike Stacey to not pay attention in math (Stacey likes math, if you didn't know), but he understands that the spring weather is pretty distracting. He then announces to the class that he will not be teaching for the rest of the year-- as part of the "Master's Program at Stonybrook Community College" they will be having a student teacher that will finish out the school year. Ok, in the what now? A master's program at a community college? Is that even possible? The ghostwriter has something against fictional 4 year universities? Whatever. Anyway, because Mr. Zizmore is the bee's knees, all the kids in class groan, instead of cheering for the 6 week break they will now have, unlike any other group of 13 year olds would. Stacey is really unhappy about this, because, she tells us, her class is really mean to subs. One of her classmates punked the last sub by speaking in a foreign accent the whole time. We are unclear as to whether Stacey disapproved because she felt it was mean, or because, like the rest of us, she thought that was a stupid prank. Whenever we had a sub, our class clown, Dana, would sneak out of the room, go into the room next door, and call our room, claiming he was from the attendance office and asking if Hugh Jass and Ben Dover were in class. Made my day back in middle school. Stacey's classmate is such an amateur. Anyways, Stacey is bummed because Mr. Zizmore is her favorite teacher, and the new teacher is named Wesley Ellenburg and she finds that distasteful. I must agree with her there. I don't exactly think "stud" when I hear that name. After class Stacey walks home, and complains to the reader about being a latchkey kid. I was a latchkey kid from 1993 until graduation in 2001. For a brief period between 1994 and 1995, my mother started coming home around 3:30 or 4, and I'll tell you what: I liked having the house to myself, and preferred when her hours changed and she came home later. But Stacey finds an empty house lonely and sad. That is a constant theme in these books-- the girls dreading going home to an empty house. Maybe I'm just weird; I always liked me-time. Also, Stacey is depressed because it's spring, and she feels romantic, but has no boyfriend. Oh, how sad to be 13 and have no soulmate. She briefly mentions Sam, but says she only likes him, she doesn't love him. Unlike all the other 13 year olds she knows that are engaged or married to their longtime sweethearts. Seriously, these books gave me such a complex when I was younger, seeing as how I didn't even get asked out on dates until I was 16. Anyways, moving on. Boring Chapter 2. Stacey is the treasurer, and she likes math. Boring. All right, there is a ridiculous subplot throughout this whole book and I'm just telling you right now, I don't want to write about it. It's stupid and boring. Basically, Dawn and Mary Anne agree to pet sit for a baby goat, and she causes all kinds of "funny" mishaps all throughout the book. It's dumb. Just know that the girls are taking care of a goat for a weekend and have to bring her along to their sitting jobs. Stacey walks into her math class, and sees Tom Cruise. Well, not really, but that's what she thinks at first. (Wouldn't that be a fantasy more suited for Kristy?).  (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 22nd, 2008
10:53 am	Babysitter's Little Sister #14, Karen's New Year Oh my God, you guys, you have to read this book. It is so unintentionally hilarious that I'll be doing a lot less snarking than usual, and instead a lot more reviewing/summarizing/quoting, because I don't think I can be funnier than this book. OK, on with it! This book starts with Karen feeling a little blue because it's December 26th, but then she remembers all the presents she got the day before and feels better. She dresses up in all new clothes, and tries to simultaneously use everything she received for Christmas. I won't snark on her for that because I used to do the same thing. Nancy comes over and tells Karen she received the same present (a doll) Karen got for Christmas, only Nancy got hers for Hanukkah. Good to know.  Daddy from the Big House calls up Karen and asks her if she and Andrew want to come to his family Big House New Year's Eve Party. Sounds pretty wild, Watson. Karen goes and asks her mother, mentally gearing up for a fight between her parents (nice, guys), but one doesn't come, because Lisa and Seth want to go to a New Year's Swinger Party go skiing in New Hampshire. Lisa agrees to let him have the kids for New Years, but only if he takes them for an additional 3 days afterward. Oh Lisa. You know, rereading this series now, I can't believe how many references Karen makes to her parents fighting. I totally didn't pick up on this as a 7 year old. The next chapter is the obligatory two-two explanation, and I won't bother with it because no new ground is covered. The next chapter is even less fun, as it involves Andrew not understanding what the New Year means, and not knowing what a calendar is. Karen is her usual ass-y self as she explains it to him. It gets a lot better guys, I promise. The next chapter has Lisa running the kids over to Watson's Dec. 30th. Karen actually makes her only astute and empathetic observation (that I've ever seen anyway) as she notes Andrew is not looking forward to the weekend. She explains that the noise of the Big House for 4 days is too much for Andrew. Well, Lisa, I certainly hope you score big this weekend, seeing as how you sold your 4 year old down the river for it. Andrew actually starts bawling before they even get inside the Big House, and Lisa tells them Lator, Gator, and drives off. Nice. She must be in a real hurry to call dibs on the best looking husband  to hit the slopes. Lisa is such a shitty mother in these books. Karen actually tries to comfort him and tell him he'll have a good time, and Watson finally comes out and greets the kids, who have evidently just been standing in the driveway, watching their mother race off. This is actually a little hard to read, as I've always had a soft spot for poor little Andrew Brewer. He cheers up though, because Charlie offers to take him and Karen and the rest of the kids to buy supplies for their party. You know, as I was reading this I thought it was rather unlikely that a 17 and 15 year old would want to hang around at a family New Years Eve party, and be stoked enough about it to buy party hats, but then I remember this is Sam and Charlie we're talking about. Their idea of a good time almost always revolves around a gaggle of 13 year old babysitters, whether they are driving them around town, or obsessively pranking them. They're probably a bit bummed that the only 13 year old present will be Kristy, but relieved that they were at least invited to one party this year. They are such losers. After they get back, Kristy tells Karen about New Years Resolutions. Karen is intruiged by the idea and tells everyone to come up with one, and they will annouce it at the party. Because everyone lets the seven year old tell them what to do, they all agree. Karen comes up with nine resolutions: 1. no sweets, 2. help with Emily Michelle more, 3. not stay up past her bedtime, 4. (this is verbatim) I will Tell Ricky Torres he has to ask me to marry him (do you guys ever just feel sorry for the future Mr. Karen?), 5. no more spelling mistakes, 6. will not pester Boo Boo, 7. Will share her toys with Andrew, 8. Will do something nice for someone everyday (actually a good one), and finally, my favorite, 9. (verbatim) I will be nicer to Morbidda Destiny. I love how Karen insults Ms. Porter while simultaneously promising to be nicer to her. She ends this chapter by explaining to the reader she's pretty sure Ms. Porter/Morbidda Destiny is a witch. Somehow, even though we're only 27 pages into this book, I think Karen will struggle to fulfill all these resolutions. Now it is party time, and the family goes around the room and tells their resolutions. Wow, the Brewer/Thomas family sure knows how to party down. I hope no one calls the cops for a noise violation. Nannie goes first, and we learn she has broken her hip the month before and resolves to walk without a cane ahead of schedule. Watson evidently has been packing on the pounds and wants to lose a few...by April. Aim high, my man. Elizabeth wants to finish everything she starts (oh, I know that can't happen. I resolve that every year). Charlie resolves to talk less on the phone when he's doing homework. Oh Charlie. You're such a badass. Sam resolves to burp less at the dinner table (what an over achieiving family!). Kristy resolves to talk to Bart on the phone about things other than softball, since that's all they ever talk about now. Even Karen privately wonders if Kristy and Bart would have anything to say if they can't speak about softball. I'm guessing they will, and that it may involve the age-old Ginger vs. Mary Ann debate. David Michael resolves to practice hitting and catching more. Andrew resolves to floss his teeth. Karen reads off her laundry list (and I notice Watson doesn't make her change #9 to say Ms. Porter instead of MD), and adds that she has also thought of resolutions for Emily, Shannon the Dog, and Boo Boo the cat.  Watson interrupts her to tell her that she may not resole anything on Emily's behalf, as Emily is too young and it wouldn't be fair. Ah, Watson's half assed attempts at parenting. Gotta love it.  Anyways, he agrees that she can make a resolution for the pets, but don't expect them to keep it. You know, I want to say Watson is grossly underestimating his daughter's intelligence if he feels the need to add this caveat, but since she's the one who actually wants to enforce resolutions for pets I must agree with his warning. Karen's a dumbass. The next morning finds the Brewer-Thomases at brunch, and Karen wastes no time climbing on her soapbox the next morning when Sam belches at the table. She starts squawking, and rather than belching again right in her face like a normal 15 year old would, Sam actually gets into an argument with his seven year old sister over whether he actually broke his resolution. (He says it doesn't count because he only resolved to not belch when he didn't need to, just so he could gross his family out). They keep arguing and Watson has to break it up. Oh Sam. You are such a loser. At first I thought Karen was just annoyed by the belching, but as it turns out, what has her panties in a bunch is people not taking their resolutions seriously. Because people never break their resolutions or get bored with them shortly after January first. I mean, my gym is totally just as crowded at the end of March as it was the first week of January. Anyways, Karen decides she's going to keep track of everyone who ignores their resolution. Sam gets to be first in her notebook for the morning belch. The next day, the phone rings, and it turns out to be Bart calling Kristy. Karen shamelessly eavesdrops on their conversation (Kristy says she would totally nail Samantha before Jeannie, and oh yeah, it might be too cold for a softball game this week), and actually has the gall to confront Kristy and say she listened to her conversation and Kristy also broke her resolution. Because Kristy is a loser like her older brothers, she again tries to defend herself to her seven year old sister instead of snapping her gum in Karen's face. Karen apologizes for snooping, but that doesn't save Kristy from getting her own page in Karen's little burn book. A maudlin and disillusioned Karen seeks solace over at Hannie's, but (gasp!) Hannie is biting her nails in her room, and she resolved not to! Karen loses all faith in humanity. Hannie, too, gets her own spot in Karen's book. Later that night Karen offers to put Emily to bed, as one of her resolutions was to be more helpful. Watson reminds her that she needs to put a diaper on Emily before bed. Dumbass Karen decides to read her a story in bed before changing her and of course, Emily has an accident. Karen calls for Kristy to come help her, and Kristy shouts back for Karen to get bent. Kristy is such a bitch in these books. Karen cleans up Emily by herself, but in her own room she changes her resolution to exclude helping Emily if Emily is to have another accident. Oh, sweet, sweet Karen. Karen goes to school the next day and orders Ricky Torres to propose to her, and surprisingly, he agrees without a fight. Seems someone is locking his beard in at an early age. Karen then walks up to Hannie and Nancy and asks Nancy about her resolution. Nancy informs Karen that this is not the Jewish New Year, but she'll make up a resolution anyways. Guys, I think Nancy might be Jewish, but I'm not sure. I mean, I've never read a book where Nancy didn't mention Hanukkah or a Mezuzah, but I also never hear her say Mazel Tov so maybe she isn't. Anyways,Nancy resolves to stop passing notes to Hannie in class. Later that day Karen turns around to check out Nancy and sees her passing a note to Hannie. Nancy too goes in the notebook. Karen then writes how mad she is. Probably because she's getting in trouble for turning around and staring at her friends in the back of the classroom when her teacher is up front. Later that night, Karen spies on Andrew by listening to him in the bathroom (nice!) and notes he did not floss. At least he brushes, you little bitch. Karen goes to bed chewing gum. That has sugar in it. Karen must amend her resolution to say candy instead of sweets. All this talk of resolutions and I realize we never see Karen ask her mother and Seth what theirs were. I'm a little bummed-- a very morbid part of me would like to hear how Lisa would spin "I resolve to give Seth's buttplug a try" to her seven year old daughter. The next weekend finds Karen at the Big House, and she's still filling up her notebook. She notes that Nannie quits exercising early, and Elizabeth started cleaning out the closet but did not finish. Also- Charlie takes a phone call while doing his homework and spends a half hour on the phone. Did Karen really stand outside his door with a stopwatch for 30 min? Loser, get a hobby. Speaking of losers, does it surprise anyone Charlie is doing his homework on a Friday night? And really, Charlie probably did the big house a favor. I'd bet the farm that caller was a telemarketer, and now the poor bastard will never bother the Brewers again after getting stuck with Charlie on the phone for the last 30 minutes. Here is a great part-- Karen sneaks into the kitchen and sees her father eating a huge piece of cake. Karen goes to her room and writes (in all caps) DADDY WAS EATING CAKE AND HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON A DIET!! Makes me wonder just how fat Watson's ass has gotten, since Karen seems more upset by this than anything else. At dinner the next evening, Karen reads her notebook out loud, causing Andrew to cry. Her family once again gives her the silent treatment. Mature bunch, that family is. The next morning, before Karen can leave, her dad tells her no more spying. He also pulls Lisa into the kitchen when she arrives and talks with her privately.  It's not a good week for Karen. Everyone hates her (David Michael told Hannie and Nancy about Karen's slam book) and also, she feels like someone has been watching her all week. Ricky also tells her he's not proposing to her anytime soon. That weekend, Karen's mother sits her down and reads her own notebook. Evidently, Lisa commissioned all Karen's friends to spy on her and report back whenever Karen broke one of her resolutions. She also snooped (sorry, "cleaned") through Karen's room and found her amended resolution list. She wanted Karen to know how it felt to be spied on and confronted with her bad behavior. I can't believe Lisa approached a group of seven year olds and asked them to do this. There was some speculation about my last Karen post that Lisa was a pretty young mother. I didn't realize the speculators meant she was still in junior high. Huh. Karen calls the members of the Big House and apologizes. (Well, sort of. With Sam, she takes the Mary Anne school of apologies and tells Sam she's sorry he burps and grosses everyone out, but everyone else gets a sincere apology). She rips out all the pages in the burn book from before and makes a page for everyone devoted to the good thing about them. She is forgiven at school, and Ricky proposes. Of course, Karen has learned nothing from this. She'll be a bitch in the next book, and the one after that, but we'll light that firecracker when we come to it.  (Comment on this)